New Life by Mail Order
by NikolaiiHolmes
Summary: "OH, dear." I whispered as I saw the title on the manual in front of me. "We are royally fucked now." Ivana and her three roommates/friends, Lexie, Yuri, and Julchen, end up with the surprise of their lives when Lexie orders a welcome home gift when Ivana gets out of the hospital. Will they manage to survive the insanity that then ensues? Warnings in each chapter!


I awoke to the slight beeping of the machines around me. I shifted my position to glance at the clock and sighed when I saw that it was only two in the morning. My head flopped back onto the white pillow with a dull 'thump'. The screens showing my vital signs emitted a soft, eerie glow on the shadowed walls. I wanted to get out of the hospital as soon as possible, but unfortunately, my injuries were severe enough that I had to stay here for another three weeks. I have three cracked ribs, my left ulna is fractured, both the fibula and tibia of my right leg were broken, and I had various bruises and cuts along my body. Before you start asking what I did, let me tell you that I don't wish to speak about it. All you need to know is that it was taken care of already.

A nurse came into the room a few minutes later to check on me. She was surprised to see me awake, and I explained to her that the pain in my arm had woken me. She gave me a sad smile before writing a few notes on her clipboard and leaving the room. I was alone again. My mind wandered as I lay on the hospital bed. I thought about all the schoolwork I would have to do when I got out and the fact that I didn't have my laptop here with me. _I should ask Yuri to bring it next time she visits._ My laptop had all of my poems on it along with being the way I could communicate with Yuri, Lexie, and Julchen. Sleep continued to evade me as the clock ticked on. Insomnia was awful. The fact that I didn't have anything to write on or with just made it even worse. I didn't want to buzz for a sleep aid, but it was looking like that would be the only way I would get any sleep tonight. I groaned and hit the button for the sleep medication. A few moments later the effects started to kick in. Only minutes later, I was asleep.

A loud, excited voice woke me up again hours later. My eyes opened immediately, and I grinned at the sight of my best friend, Julchen. She was yelling at the nurse who looked about to cry. "Jules, stop yelling at the nurse; she's just trying to help." I pleaded.

"Ivaña, you're awake!" she exclaimed running to my side.

"Yes, yes, I'm awake. Why were you yelling at my nurse?" I inquired.

"She was going to wake you up." She replied.

"So you started yelling at her?" I asked, incredulous.

"Yeah, so?" she shrugged and I shook my head.

"You are impossible." I responded with a small sigh.

She laughed and pulled a thick binder of papers out of her favorite Prussia messenger bag. When I gave her a puzzled look, she explained that it was a manuscript of hers. I nodded and reached for the binder with my right hand, but she shook her head and said that she would read it to me as I was unable to use both hands at the current time. I growled at her, and she just laughed and sat down in the chair next to me. She began to read and I listened attentively as she told a story of a girl who lived in a large mansion alone before finding a boy who could change into a cat.

She had to stop when her throat became too dry and went to get some water. When she came back, she had two trays of food with her. She gave one to me and sat back down, perching the other tray on her lap. I pushed the macaroni around the tray whilst not eating a single bite. When Hanna looked up to see me pushing my food around, she scowled. "Why are you not eating, Ivy?" she inquired using my nickname which meant something was not right.

"I'm not really all that hungry right now." I told her laying down my fork on the tray.

"Are you sure that's all?" she asked. "I don't want to have to find that you're getting fed through a tube because you went anorexic again. You know how badly that ended last time." She warned.

"I'm fine." I insisted and even took a small bite of food to prove it. She sighed and went back to eating. She finished her meal before I had even eaten half of mine and left to give the cafeteria ladies the tray back. When she returned, I had finished most of my lunch and was ready to hear more of her story. She found her place again and began reading. She occasionally tucked an errant strand of snowy, white hair back behind her ear as she relayed the story.

She left a few hours later, and I was again left alone with only the machines and the nurse who checked on to keep me company. I dozed until they brought me a tray of food for dinner. I finished about half of it and then requested that they take it away as I was full. The nurse did so, but hesitantly. I lie there silent as the sunlight faded outside of my window and the lamps outside came on. A nurse came in and informed me that Yuri was here to see for a few minutes. She walked in with a laptop bag with her. I grinned when she lay it down next to me and told me that she figured I would want it. I thanked her and we chatted until the visiting hours ended about fifteen minutes later. I flipped open my laptop and typed in my password. My fingers flew across the keyboard as I typed out the ideas that had gathered in my head since I had been admitted. Several documents later, I closed the program and went to my email. A few review notices and an email from Lexie were all that sat in my unread box. I pulled up Lexie's message and read that she had bought a surprise for me for when I finally returned back to the apartment we all shared. I then checked the reviews and replied to them. A yawn broke from my throat and I decided to go to sleep.

NAme: Fiona Kirkland

Age: 22

Personification: Northern Ireland

Appearance: Shoulder-length red hair, green eyes, ivory skin, large chest(HUngary-sized), semi-muscular, 5' 3"

Personality: Brazen, sometimes rude, heavy drinker, witty, smart, and derpy

Family: Brothers- England(older), Ireland(twin), Scotland Sisters-Wales(older)

Flaws: Sometimes rude, perverted, loud, headstrong

Likes: Alcohol, her family, music, singing, and having fun

2


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